People are rubbish- Gahhhh! part two

Sorry- I’ve been neglecting this blog somewhat. I can explain though- I’ve been working quite a bit, and I’ve been spending a lot of my downtime writing the script for “If All Else Fails, End With Jazz Hands”- which has got a decent bit of progress now- roughly a quarter done, if not more. But still, what a couple of days I’ve had. Ugh. ‘Tis the season and all that, which means that suddenly, (what may at one point have been) normal people get the urge to act like idiots within the retail environment.

This generally means a few things- mainly one very important point though. So important, that I’m not typing it. I’m mauling it across an A4 page with a Sharpie:

PeopleBuyShite

Seriously. But I’ll admit, there have been moments when it should have been far more awesome. For example today, a woman came in to purchase a copy of Fore by Huey Lewis and The News, which I had to find on the shelves. Obviously, I try and strike up a conversation, but all I could say was that although I found his early work a little too New Wave, when Sports came out in ’83, they really came into their own- commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He’s been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humor…

bale1

Sadly, she didn’t get what I was on about, or even consider buying Sports. But there have been a handful of albums that I’ve been trying fairly desperately to sell, in order to make some sort of impact within the power of purchase. They are the following:

  • A Christmas Gift For You by Phil Spector and co.- Sold one copy
  • Through The Night by Ren Harvieu- no copies sold
  • Any Manic Street Preachers album- no copies sold
  • Any Belle & Sebastian album- one copy of Tigermilk sold

Ah well.

It’s getting to the point when I really want to wear this as a namebadge:

JudgeYourPurchases

But I’m being good. Honest…although I am utterly, utterly sick of people purchasing the compilation album Now! 83. Seriously, if we’ve sold one copy of that dreck, we’ve sold 100 easily. Plus in order to advertise said car-crash of a comp, we play it in the store, pretty much every day. Now, I’m not being Mr Hipster here (for a change, I’ll admit), but the reason I can’t stand stuff like that is because- for lack of any better words- it is absolute shit, but somehow these ‘songs’ managed to get to be number one in the UK charts- a position once held by the likes of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, ‘Relax’, 21 Elvis Presley singles and 17 Beatles songs.

GangamStyle1GangamStyle2

Now, as a Nick Cave fan (amongst others), I do appreciate decent lyrics in songs- ranging from storytelling (Cave, numerous country-western singers), realism (David Gedge) to cool-just-for-the-sake-of-it (Bryan Ferry, Pavement etc).

This is a sample of the lyrics to a song that reached number 3 in the UK singles chart:

Wiley called me on the iPhone
He said get my passport told me to come through
Put your sun cream in your suitcase
When I arrive causing a heat wave too
Got my SnapBack and my vest on
Looking at the hot girl with the red dress on
Light skin with a beautiful body like Kim so I had to get my Kanye West on
She told me she’s feeling my jewellery
She said that she’s in love with my Jesus piece
I told her to look again closely
It’s not Jesus baby it’s JME
And I was like babe come over
I don’t bite girl come a little closer
Come a little closer
I don’t bite girl come a little closer

This landmark piece of songwriting’s name? ‘Can You Hear Me (Ayayaya)’.

Number 3.

By comparison, this was a single released by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds:

I’ve felt you coming girl, as you drew near
I knew you’d find me, cause I longed you here
Are you my destiny? is this how you’ll appear?
Wrapped in a coat with tears in your eyes?
Well take that coat babe, and throw it on the floor
Are you the one that I’ve been waiting for?

As you’ve been moving surely toward me
My soul has comforted and assured me
That in time my heart it will reward me
And that all will be revealed
So I’ve sat and I’ve watched an ice-age thaw
Are you the one that I’ve been waiting for?

Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed
They’re only little tears, darling, let them spill
And lay your head upon my shoulder
Outside my window the world has gone to war
Are you the one that I’ve been waiting for?

O we will know, won’t we?
The stars will explode in the sky
O but they don’t, do they?
Stars have their moment and then they die

There’s a man who spoke wonders though I’ve never met him
He said, ‘he who seeks finds and who knocks will be let in’
I think of you in motion and just how close you are getting
And how every little thing anticipates you
All down my veins my heart-strings call
Are you the one that I’ve been waiting for?

‘(Are You) The One I’ve Been Waiting For?’ Which did not chart. DID NOT CHART.

Farnsworth

Similarly, I’m surprised I hadn’t seen this article before.

I’d say it might be a general dumbing down of popular culture- but then, the highest grossing film of all time?

Avatar.

Avatar– Dances With Wolves meets acid.

Say no more.

We need more people like this man in the world:

Damien Sandow

Sigh. Rant over.

(Dial Tone)

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